Transports were long and boring. This was the first one Charles had ever been on, but he decided a snap judgement in this case could probably apply to any he would take in the future. As he was not a standard ASS, he was given a little room to himself on the ship. It consisted of a fold-up bed, and a desk. He had taken the liberty of purchasing a folding sling chair at the last stop along with a few books. And so he was relaxing in his chair with a cigar, a small metal cup of scotch, and one of his books when someone knocked on the door.
"Come!" Charles said, not bothering to close his book.
An ASS who looked to be straight out of basic training opened the door and stuck his head cautiously into the room. "Hey, you're an ASSFACE, right?"
"Only to people who know me," Charles stopped reading and gave the young man a reassuring smile. "Can I help you with something?"
"Well, I've never seen a magic user in person," the ASS said shyly. "See em' on TV and stuff. I was also wonderin' what this is all about." He turned his head to the left and tapped the rune that had been put on all the ASSs before they left. "They said it would help you help us. And I can see you have a ton of your own."
Charles took a moment to examine the one on the back of his right hand. "That I do and that it does." He checked his watch. The day was almost over and he had not yet used any of the spells he prepared. He had the time to indulge the young man with a demonstration. "Come with me and I'll show you."
In ten minute's time, Charles was standing on top of a large metal shipping crate and the ASSs were gathered around beneath him in the cargo hold. The curious ASS was standing a little ways apart in a big circle marked in chalk. "Good evening, ASSs!" Charles said once they had all quieted down.
"Good evening, Charlie," they all said at once.
"Who told you to call me that?" Charles asked, slightly exasperated with the nickname that had followed him since he met the first ASS on this, his first assignment."Central Command," said one of the officers. "Something about revenge for that last name of yours."
"Of course," Charles said quietly, rolling his eyes. "Never mind then." He raised his hands for attention. "It has been brought to my attention that some of you still have questions about the lovely tattoos you have been given." There was a communal nod. "Those match the marks I have all over my back, on my neck, and on the backs of my hands." He held his hands up for all to see. "They enable me to help you out when you are in the field, as Private Bender will help me to demonstrate. For example. Say you all have to get from point A -the ship," He pointed to the circle in which Bender was standing. "To point B -the planet." He pointed to an empty circle on the other side of the hold. "I simply do like so..." He dramatically raised one fist, radiating purple light. He activated the rune on his other hand and made a pushing motion. In the blink of an eye, the purple light flared in both circles and Bender appeared at point B. Some ASSs clapped, a few made impressed noises.
"Now play along with me Bender. At point B you all will be doing what you do best. Ruining the enemy!" A collective cheer went up and they watched Bender pretend to shoot enemies to Swiss cheese.
"But sometimes," Charles continued. "There's a lot of enemy and, superior though you are, you simply run out of ammo!"
"On NO!" said Bender, shrugging and shaking his weapon. "I am out of ammo!"
"What's an ASS to do?" Charles asked.
"What am I to do?" Bender echoed.
"It's very simple," Charles said. "You touch the mark on your neck. Bender?" Bender did as he was told and a glow of dark purple flared up around Charles' eyes and ears. "And you tell me you need more ammo."
"I need more ammo ASSFACE!" said Bender.
"And I can do something like this!" This time Charles teleported a marked box of ammo to point B. "And you ASSs can continue to devastate your opponents. But!" he raised a finger. "What if, when all seems to be going so well, someone looks into the sky and sees a warhead coming for you?"
Bender shaded his eyes and pretended to look into the sky. "Oh no! A warhead!"
"Since there is not time to run away, you simply call me again and tell me what is going on."
Bender touched his mark again. "Help, help, ASSFACE! There is a warhead coming. I have no time to run away!"
"Not to worry ASS!" Charles' hands glowed again and both Bender and the ammo reappeared at point A. "I can get you out in time."Applause went up around the hangar.
"YAY!" said Bender.
"I can do all of this from a distance of 1,400 miles, so will be out of the line of fire and always able to help. So that is why you have those marks. I think they are rather handy." Charles jumped off the box and retrieved his cigar and scotch from the commanding officer. "Any questions?" He headed for the door.
"Yeah," another young ASS spoke up. "What's to stop you from using these abilities to play tricks on us?"
Charles turned the infuriating smile on the young man. "Private? The only thing standing between you, me and extravagant foolery are my impeccable manners." He nodded once more and shut the door behind himself leaving a hold full of ASSs dreading what kind of humiliating pranks could be played by a man who could link minds with people and teleport objects at will. He congratualted himself on a job well done.
